Come on in... welcome home...

We moved to Durham at the end of July.  I have resorted to telling people it was August, because it is easier, and those first few weeks were more like camping, so they don't count, right?  But I digress....

I was looking online at a post about how Americans are less connected to each other, their communities, and the social world in general.  No, we are not imagining it.. it is really happening.  Where once we knew our neighbors and sat outside on summer nights watching the kids play ball in front yards or in the streets in front of our homes... we now sit inside, alone, watching movies and playing video games.  We bowl, but not in leagues.  And we go to church, but don't know people there.

That wasn't how it was intended to be.  We weren't made to be alone.  Connection is what God puts us here for - in families, in churches, in communities.  God wants us to be connected - to forgive, to love, to know each other.  You can't do those things alone.  "Bear one another's burdens"... what does that look like?  I have to say, we were part of a wonderful group in our former location... they did bear each other's burdens.   Someone had cancer - he told the group.  We prayed for him.  But we didn't leave it there.  We cooked dinner if the family needed it.  We called to see how things were going.  We checked up - "How is treatment going".. we laughed when he laughed and were concerned right alongside of all that concern.


When babies were joined to a family, we cooked food, brought diapers, and commiserated about the fatigue that every new family feels.  We celebrated with gifts and cried when little ones were lost, no matter how little they were.

We had potlucks - at least once  a month.  Everyone brought food and shared it.  We took turns making breads, salads, main dishes, and sides.  Recipes were shared.  Waistlines were broadened.  We joined Weight Watchers together and counted points, side by side.  

We shared books, and book recommendations.  We played games and went camping.  The boys chased the girls with sticks and the girls talked in groups, spinning in their beautiful dresses and examining their shoes.  Our children knew each other's names, some of them went to school together, and all of the children had parents who loved them and were involved with them... both their own, and other people's. 


When we moved, they came and carried our heavy stuff with us.  They helped us clean our place.  They brought books on tape for our kids to listen to in the car as we drove to our new location.  And as we drove away, we cried because we knew the treasure of what we had left behind was just that.. a treasure.

*sigh*

So now we are in a new place and looking for that same thing.  As I look back I remember that when we moved to the LAST new place, we didn't find that group immediately.  In fact, we spent a long time searching for that group.  We visited numerous classes, went on outings, had people over to our house, had birthday parties, and had more than one invitation ignored, forgotten and rejected.  (Or were we ignored, forgotten and rejected?  I can't remember which it was because both things happened...)

We found that group, but they were just beginning and they hadn't formed a solid identity.  They were hoping to be outreach focused - "bring them in" was kind of an unspoken thought.  But people are drawn to what is wonderful... life giving... where they can laugh and cry and "where everybody knows your name... and they're always glad you came..." I hate to make the parallel, but Cheers had something to teach us.  Community is good.  Community is worth the effort.  Community takes time.... BUT once you have a community and it is open and receptive, warm and inviting... you can't keep people out because we all crave that connection.  And this group became that community.  And although that group seemed hidden away... it is a group that all types of people are drawn to... and they are coming in.

So we are here.  And they are there.  And I keep seeing the smiling faces on Facebook... and missing my dear community.

But I know we can have it again.. we might have to help build the walls and construct the roof, but community is something we have had and we can have it again.    How to get there?  There are a ton of ways, but some folks have saved me a bunch of time by creating a list! Follow the link to 150 ways to Build Social Capitol.  It is all related to a book called "Bowling Alone" in which the authors discuss the fact of America's decline into loneliness.  There is a whole blog relate called Better Together where you can find articles, discussions, and the list of ways to Build Social Capitol.. or just make friends! 

Now, where did I put my phone book?  I need to call up a new friend and plan to meet for tea....