Every home with children in it will, at some point on the journey, deal with tattletelling. (I have the clear sense that this word will come up again in this note, so for now I will shorten "tattletell" to TT and TTing, because I just can't be sure I will keep spelling it correctly and that kind of thing bothers me.. but that is another issue...). My home is no exception here. Everything was going along swimmingly with my first child, then we brought another little one into our home, and suddenly there were immediate notices about everything from toys to bathroom carpets. I was being told about every activity that little sister was doing - and it was initially something I responded to by coming and viewing the perceived offense, then managing the situation. This was making me feel important - needed, even. I was being invited into their lives and I relished it. Isn't that why they have parents? To help them manage situations they can't? (Hmm... let's consider this..should I be managing situations or training my children in the correct way to respond to situations??? Hmm...)
This TTing continued, to the sheer consternation of little sister, for a few years. Initially it was helpful to me - keeping messes from getting out of control and preventing large objects from falling on her. Then one day, when my second child was able to express herself emotionally, she became very frustrated with this whole TTing business. She was living life with a jailer and she knew it. One step out of line and her personal attendant could just run to mama with all the news and mama would faithfully come and intervene... which usually ended up bringing some kind of consequence. Her emotional response was extreme - and because of the anger and the hurt I saw spilling out, along with the residual dislike for her jailer (big sister) I began to look for wisdom to respond correctly to this situation. It was clear to me that TTing was bringing more harm than good.
That spring I had been at a book sale and picked up a little story book with tales about family life . I had been reading through the stories with my children, because they were engaging and their values were similar to ours. Not long after I began to consider the issue of TTing we read a story about children where TTing was what the family was dealing with (how very like God to gently lay that story in my lap!). The mother and father, in their wisdom realized that TTing was not a problem with 1 child (the perceived offender) but really was a deeper problem with 2 children.
I will explain. But first, let me remind you of a Bible Story.
There was once a man with 2 sons. The younger son had everything in his father's house, but chose to take his inheritance and leave home. He wanted everything that was his so he could do what he wanted to with it. The younger son wasted what he had on wild living and then ended up with nothing. He found himself in filth and poverty, living with pigs, and sharing their food. He was clearly in the wrong.
The older son, meanwhile, stayed at home and worked for his father. He slaved away day after day, staying by his father's side. He knew that one day he would get the inheritance that he was working for - at the home he was living in. He seemed to be doing the right thing, but sadly, his heart was bound up in living for the inheritance and not interested in loving his father. He was emotionally as close to his father as his brother was physically. The older son was looking forward to the day that everything would be his and he could do what he wanted with it. (Sound familiar?)
In a sense, both sons were chasing after their own way. Are you seeing how close both sons were in their heart attitude? But our story isn't over.
Eventually, while sitting in the mud pit, the younger son realized what he had lost. He had a father that loved him. He had a father that would treat him with care and concern- not because of what he did, but because of who he was. He had been a child of the man of the house. The son was brokenhearted. He had lost all that his father had given him. He decided to go and beg his father to take him back, but not as a son... as a servant.
He returned home. His father, who had been sitting out and looking for him (for who knows how long) saw his younger son from way off. The father ran to his son and hugged him and kissed him. The father called out the servants to bring out fine clothing, the best food, and bring the neighbors for a celebration. The son confessed his wrong to his father and the father (who didn't need the confession to love his son completely) embraced his son. (Confession here is key - I don't want you to miss that... the younger son admitted his wrong... he knew what he had done was out of line and confession allowed him to demonstrate that - it was part of the restoring of this relationship.. not for his father.. but for the younger son.)
Things were underway for that younger son to be back in the home where he was loved and cared for. He was going to be a child of the man of the house again. The relationship was restored and mending of fences was underway. Healing was happening.
Flash to the fields where the older son is slaving away - doing the right thing, right? He is out there working for his inheritance. He hears noise and sees activity back at the house. He calls a servant and asks what the fuss is about - I mean it is his inheritance that is at stake here - he gets close to the house, but doesn't go in.. (that way he can get back to the field quickly and continue working... on his inheritance.) The servant told him the news - your younger brother is back and your dad is throwing a party for him. With your inheritance.
The older son got so upset that he wouldn't go in the house. His father was killing the calf which had been been sitting around getting fat - granted it is a calf that his father owns, but really, this calf is part of that older son's inheritance. It is practically his calf. His father heard what was going on outside. The father came out and spoke to his son.
In this moment, the son revealed his heart.. his motivation...He said "I have been working for you all these years. I have never done anything wrong... I have never gone against anything you have told me. But you have never even given me a baby goat to have a party with my friends. I mean,really - I have been working here all these years - the least you could have done along the way is let me spend something on myself... But as son as my little brother comes along, who (may I remind you) took what you gave him and spent it on prostitutes... you ran out and killed the fatted calf. I can't believe you."
Here is where we get to the TTing of the story. It is the older son, who standing there thinking in his heart "I have done nothing wrong... and I don't think you know exactly what my sinner of a brother DID do. So here it is. He wasted the cash and spent it on prostitutes."
The older brother cared only for himself. He didn't care about the relationship with his brother. He didn't really care about the relationship with his father. Much like his younger brother - who was only interested in himself, too.
We are both of these boys - the older brother and the prodigal son. Our hearts, desperately broken, need to be bought back, made alive, and made new. We need Someone to take our broken hearts and heal them - and make us more like Himself.
So I experienced that, right in the flesh, with my children. First of all - I had to deal with my little "older brother".. and I had to deal with my little "prodigal" ... and at the same time I have to deal with my own heart. I look at someone I know doing something and my heart feels lofty - better than. But I tend to overlook the sickening self that creeps in and lives with me daily.
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